There are two steps to getting healthy fast. They apply equally well to all areas of health and well-being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. These two steps don’t cost any money, don’t require you to buy a course or watch another YouTube video or buy another diet or self-help book. Ever. These two steps are the game changers you’ve been waiting for.
Ready? Here they are.
- Be honest with yourself.
- Be gentle with yourself.
That’s it. Maybe right about now you’re thinking “Great! I’m totally honest and very gentle with myself. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, I’m done.” Not so fast, Bub.
Most of may think we are pretty honest with ourselves, if we think about it at all. But a quick survey of our day-to-day habits and thoughts might reveal a different story.
Here’s the thing about being honest with ourselves: It’s hard to continue behaviors that don’t serve us when we get really honest about WHAT we are doing and WHY we are doing it. So do you have any behaviors that you repeat that don’t serve your well-being? If yes, then you are, on some level, in some way, deceiving yourself. (Psst: You’re not alone. I do it, too. We all do.)
Here are some examples:
- How often do you eat something you *know* is not good for you?
- How often do you tell yourself “I don’t have time to workout/shop for food to make a healthy meal/get up early/go to bed early…” The list goes on. Then we sit around watching Netflix or scrolling through every one else’s stories and timelines or whatever the distraction of the moment is rather than putting time and effort to the things that will make our lives healthier and get us where we want to go.
- What relationships do you stay in (romantic or not) even though the person puts you down, belittles you or in some other way doesn’t support you?
- Are you truly hungry, or are you reaching for food because it’s time to eat, or you are bored, frustrated, angry, etc…? And if you are truly hungry, as in your stomach is rumbling, is what you are about to eat really the best choice you can make in the moment?
- Is it really true that you can’t do The Thing that you want to do? The Thing is different for all of us. And we all come up with countless excuses and stories as to why we can’t do it.
Ever notice how we tell ourselves stories all day, every day? Or am I the only one who does that?
And if you have noticed yourself telling stories, do they tend to be affirming and uplifting? Or do they tend more to the disempowering and negative? And they almost always point the finger at someone else as the reason for our inability to be happy and fulfilled?
But I digress.
When we get really honest with ourselves, we may realize that we can do The Thing, but we’re scared to. The Thing may be starting a new business, leaving a relationship, having a hard conversation with a loved one, giving up alcohol, learning a musical instrument, whatever. Things can be scary.
Energy flows where our attention goes.
When we get really honest with ourselves, we can start to see that we put our attention (and therefore our energy) on things that don’t serve us. We worry about what others think about us (they’re probably not paying that much attention to you, btw). We worry about our finances, our kids, our health, our relationship, and don’t put the energy into envisioning what we really want out of life. Then we wonder why we get depressed, anxious, lethargic, sick…
Putting energy into what you want out of life requires that you actually know what you want from your life. That’s another place to get really honest with yourself. Are you living the life your parents want you to live? Or the life you think you should be living because it’s socially acceptable? Or the life you went to college to achieve and now you realize it’s not all it was made out to be?
Get honest.
Be gentle. Here’s how.
So let’s say you’ve spent some time being honest with yourself and you find some areas that are out of alignment with your highest well-being.
Now is likely the time when Mean Voice kicks into hyperdrive and starts to remind you of all the ways you SUCK.
Don’t let honesty with yourself be another excuse to beat yourself up.
When you recognize a place you’ve been pulling the wool over your own eyes, congratulate yourself. Yes, congratulate yourself. Anytime you recognize a place you are sabotaging yourself, even if long after the fact, congratulate yourself and notice what led up to the point of lying to yourself. (I know that sounds harsh, but let’s be honest and call it what it is. Lying to ourselves.) And then you can catch it earlier the next time, and earlier the time after that, until you get to the point of realizing before the fact what’s coming. And then, you can change it before it happens. Hallelujah!
We are all here doing the best we can with what we’ve got in any moment. Sometimes our best is less than stellar. Sometimes our best is frickin’ awesome. Either way, acknowledge you’re doing the best you can.
Apologize when it’s necessary, and sometimes that means apologizing to yourself.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a beloved child in your life. When a child makes a mistake, we let her know that she can do better, that we expect better. But we don’t yell at her and shame her and intentionally make her feel bad. That doesn’t work.
(I’m not naive. I realize there are plenty of people who use shame and use judgment as a way to control their children. Be better than that, even with yourself.)
I hope these two simple steps help you transform your life to one that you love living. And if you already love your life, I hope they help make it even more awesome!
